an English translation of the novel

Page 440-442

Why was life so unfair to women? I complained mentally. In addition to the inconvenience of forty weeks of pregnancy, we also have to go through pain that a man could never endure in order to give birth. So why does sex have to hurt too?

“Don’t push yourself.”

“It’s fine. …doesn’t it hurt for you?”

“Not at all.”

I suddenly realized that although Satoru knew full well I was in pain, he was too aroused to stop. And far from empathizing with me, he was probably getting off on it. What an asshole.

But soon the pain disappeared. I felt myself growing wet. Instead of feeling like I was being forced into something unpleasant, pleasure began to take hold.

I moaned and Satoru asked, “Does it feel good?”

“You idiot.”

It was an unneeded question. Instead of answering, I raked his back hungrily.

So I was no longer a virgin. And now I was forced to think about how I would pass our next physical exam. Once again, it was the woman who had to deal with it.

Satoru’s movements grew more intense. Even as I felt my pleasure mounting, I had a moment of panic. If I got pregnant, things would get really complicated.

But before I could stop him, Satoru froze.

I thought he had finally realized the problem, but that wasn’t it.

He was looking down at me with an expression of such love and tenderness, I thought he was about to cry.

I had a sudden realization. His look wasn’t directed at me. I wasn’t sure how, but he seemed to see in me the shadow of the boy he had never stopped loving.

At the same time, I felt from the bottom of my heart a longing for the same boy.

Satoru started moving again, faster this time.

I was quickly reaching my climax. When I orgasmed, the face I saw was no longer Satoru’s, but another boy’s.

Both of us were using each other to make love to someone who was no longer in this world. It might be extremely abnormal, and you might even say we were cheating on each other, but we both knew and wanted it.

After I orgasmed, Satoru pulled out and came on the wall of the hut.

For a while, we simply lay panting.

Even in the pleasant afterglow of sex, the words the faceless boy had said in my dream went around and around in my mind.

Why did he tell me what he did?

He told me not to aid Maria’s escape.

And that she had to die.


27 Responses to Page 440-442

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  2. I don’t know wether to feel impressed about the utter loayalty that Saki and Satoru show to Shun by having sex with one another while imagining that they were having sex with Shun, or to laugh and cry at Saki’s “lamenting” at being a woman and Shun’s ‘memory’ telling her that Maria had to die and not to go after her.

    • I dunno whether to feel impressed or disgusted by the author’s description of sex. The scene of Maria and Saki making love was surprisingly good, but this… a young girl climaxing in the arms of an inexperienced guy at her very first – and painful – time? Sounds like a man’s wishful thinking. I mean, that almost never happens. ^^’ Not to mention that “coming on the wall” isn’t the best contraception. -_-

      I guess the “bonobo program” is that strong in the PK-people, they were obviously under a huge amount of stress. But still, they could just have some petting instead of penetration. Knowing how dangerous the physical exam or pregnancy can be in this society and still doing it is plain idiocy.

      Btw, I wonder how Saki will go through it (that wasn’t mentioned in the anime again, so I wondered how did she get away with it).

      • Haha, I can’t believe you addressed some of the things I was thinking while writing my comment just before I posted it. I guess Shun’s memory, coupled with their previous same-sex experiences and general receptiveness to physical stimuli due to Bonobo Program, made the act more pleasurable than it would have been otherwise?
        Satoru does seem kind of self-absorbed during the whole thing and almost comes off as a jerk. But I guess that if you look beyond her perspective, the same could be said of Saki.
        As for the physical examination/pregnancy issue, well..I am probably totally off the mark and feel bad for even thinking of it, but..Saki is able to repair broken vases, right..

        • Yeah, and admits she isn’t really good at it! (the vase repairing) :D
          I guess that they’re sorta watched over by the Commitee and that Tomiko would decide that making love to reduce stress from a huge loss is – in this unique situation – more important than the physical exam. Saki and Satoru didn’t do it just out of curiosity or to break the rules, the whole urge is probably deeply subconscious, and they had nobody else to turn to. But still, that was really silly of them.

          Yep. The end of the manga (yeah, that weird manga with TONS of boobs) was surprisingly good in explaining Satoru and Saki’s romantic relationship (the anime gives me an ugly vibe like “woohoo we have nobody else to turn to, so let’s just get married because why not”). And in the novel we see at the beginning that, even though Satoru and Saki had crushes on Shun and fought a lot, they always were a surprisingly good, comfortable match.

          You know, even if Shun had never passed away, I can still imagine them being together in the end – there are many stories like this, in both fiction and real life, where the two understand that they took each other for mere friends because they fit THAT well and simply fail to appreciate it – and that they make much more sense as lovers with each other than with some exciting childhood crush.

          That’s why I really hope that the final part of the novel will elaborate on their relationship more, show how they overcame their pain and became a match made in heaven. :3

          • I find it great that you’re actually reading the original novel with us while translating it, if I were you I’d have already gone ahead and binge read it all!

            Haha, you’re probably right, even if underage male-female sex is apparently a capital offense, Saki’s being Tomiko’s protegee and the extenuating circumstances for it are probably enough to overcome the danger.

            Oh, *that* manga, yeah..still wondering what SSY’s original author would think about it, and if those two kids in the last part are supposed to be actual characters who were skipped in the anime or if they were made up for unknown reasons.

            I’ve always liked Saki and Satoru’s relationship ever since I first watched the school trip arc in the anime, they just fit together. I’m really curious too to see how the next novel arc will handle their getting together (I didn’t dislike it in the anime since I was looking forward to it happening, but I did think it was a bit underwhelming). About Shun, you may be right, it really felt as if both Saki and Satoru were idolizing him the whole time. Poor chap, I actually kinda disliked him in the anime, but changed my mind about him in the novel.

            Finally, I don’t usually comment on the uneventful chapters but I’m religiously and passionately following this, just so you know u_u

            • I believe there’s been a misunderstanging. I am a translator in general, but I am not THIS translator. :D I’m also a devoted fan who was overwhelmed with joy when she had a chance to read the original. :D I mean, English isn’t even my mother tongue. ^^’ Given the, um, I dunno, the way the text flows, I guess you’re correct when saying that the translator is reading along with us though.

              You mean those sweet boy and girl? Yeah, I wonder about that too! Personally I believe they were a nice addition, canon or not. I also like the final in the manga because it did tell us what Saki and Satoru did in the end as leaders, like, connecting with other communities, travelling to get more information, changing their politics and educational programme. The final in the anime is bittersweet with an accent on bitter, really passive, like “oh well, let’s remember the shit that happened and hope it’ll never happen again”. Or even more like “let’s hope our child will not be the one to turn into a beast”. Nothing was really fixed.

              I also like Saki with long hair much more (though I guess cutting her hair in the anime final sorta symbolises her “return to the origin”). But hell, those clothes. The manga had so many dramatic moments, and here’s Saki with those giant, practically revealed boobs. Who would even wear such sexy clothes to a dangerous and dirty mission? I always had an urge to giggle. ^^’

              And yeah, you put that really well. They were idolizing him. I think that in the end neither Satoru, nor Saki could truly understand Shun, he’s sorta always been in another dimension – and by that I mean not his introverted nature (that’s not really scary), but… I can’t put a finger on it. He’s a really special kid, with special talents, and I believe that if he grew up, he’d rather live a famed, but solitary existence, just like Kaburagi Shisei. I don’t think he’d take anyone as a spouse or have an offspring.

          • I always thought Saki and Shun were the OTP of the series considering that they loved each other from the start. Saki and Satoru seemed more like childhood friends who got together because the one they loved died. Even though they later fell in love, they’re still not each other’s first choice. That’s how I felt their relationship was shown in the manga, anime and the novel. Ultimately their true love was Shun.

            • First love isn’t always the “most true” love or The Love of Your Life. I have nothing against Saki x Shun, but I just think that even if they happily confessed their feelings, the relationship wouldn’t stand strong. Together they’re… cute, but not really working. Satoru and Saki literally make one single unit.

              • Satoru and Saki have better chemistry with each other than Shun and Saki did, true. They had a strong childhood bond and worked well together as adults. However, I felt that they wanted to just be close friends. However, due to the death of the person they both loved, they ultimately ended up together. On the other hand, Saki and Shun just seemed to have an instant attraction to each other. An all their moments together just felt more emotionally charged than the moments Saki and Satoru had with each other. For instance, the moment in the boat where they hold hands and Saki wishes to freeze time so things would stay like that for ever. Also the scene where Shun dies, Saki seemed ready to die with him. The reason I regard Saki and Shun as a better romantic pair is due to the strong emotions of love they displayed to each other in those scenes. That’s what I meant by true love. I didn’t mean that it was eternal just that it burned brighter than the love she feels for Maria and Satoru.
                Ultimately, I think something like Saki x Shun x Satoru would have worked best. Saki and Satoru bound together by friendship. Saki and Shun bound together by love. Satoru and Shun bound together by their mutual desire to protect Saki and by their attraction to each other.

                • This is how I imagine with their relationship if Shun hadn’t died.
                  http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=manga&illust_id=32807314

                  • Hehe, this mini-comic is really cute. :D

                    Speaking about acceptable marriage, really, why nobody built polygamous and/or homosexual families in their society, despite all that free love cultivation? It also left me with a weird aftertaste, as if, for ex, homosexual relationships are a “teenage thing to try and then grow out of”. They have a really small and mature community though, so maybe it is not to stop the childbirth (and a child is a long story – rare children had siblings, and couples had to fill in forms and ask the Commitee to allow them pregnancy; and then so many of these kids will vanish forever anyway).

                    • My interpretation is that marriage exists for the purpose of having children. They can still engage in sex with however they want outside of that as long as pregnancy doesn’t occur. It is a free sex society. Chemistry means that Saki and Satoru get along better as friends than Saki and Shun do.

                    • I assume you are a young lady, As an old dude (39 years old), I can assure you that things that were important as a 15 years old don’t mean anything 15 years later. Our perception of homosexuality is socially constructed, their society constructed another as Classic greek folks did their own. In other words, Satoru was homosexual in his teenage years, but not gay (as IRL once we chose to be gay, we are gay for life).

                      Kamisu 66 view of sexuality is functional to their social control, is not the same as our view of homosexuality or Yaoi, this author is not an otaku, but I can sense he is slightly left-wing. Kamisu 66’s boys and girls need to have sexual relationships, but young pregnancy is a big problem so they have to rely to homosexuality, as in some animal societies, but with the exception that all male can get females.

                      They can’t condescend to any progressive kind of marriage because it’s a very conservative society (if hymen annual test don’t tell us something about how conservative they are…), and not for the wrong reasons, they need to stablish a strict family tree for everybody, because if a akki appears, as Tomiko sama said, they need to kill everybody in that branch. Conservative societies are meant to preserve something important to them (in SSY it is human life, IRL social inequality). As a marxist wannabe, It hurts me to admit Kamisu 66 folks are right in their terms (as IRL convervative are damn wrong). Let’s see what Saki and Satoru will try to accomplish reforming their society.
                      We (I mean IRL) can afford that type of relationships because we are now already too many people and production cycle only need Chinese slaves to made the stuff we use… Wow! Chinese people are our queerats!

                  • Btw, can you please explain the word “chemistry” to me? In Russian we use it to name this “irrational emotional charge” (see the starry sky scene with Shun), but then how do Saki and Satoru have better one? :D

                    • Ancient Greeks called “infatuation” or as you accurately said “irrational emotional charge” is an illness that the gods of love give to you. In that way, SakiXSatoru is more warm, durable love. I love their relationship because they’re both similar and opposite in their personalities. In that way loving Shun is like being in love with Mr. Spock (RIP), cool, reliable, brave and good looking (I guessing with Mr. Nimoy), but a total alien with no understandable emotions (if they have some).

                      In that way, Saki was too much lucky having survive their highschool years with him.

                • I guess we just understand love in slightly different way. :D
                  The thing is, the romantic, emotionally charged aspect always vanishes (well, not exactly, more like, it transforms), so what would Saki and Shun have left after some years (or Satoru and Shun)? I think that if Saki could reach Shun sooner, they’d both “burn out” pretty soon. The always idolized boy would lose the charm. Satoru and Saki, on the other hand, have an everlasting affection.

                  The triad version is interesting, but as I understood, only monogamous (and apparently, heterosexual?) marriage is accepted in this society (which is weird, given their views on sexuality)

                  Speaking of manga, I found Satoru worrying about how propose to Saki and Saki’s affectionate, happy confession that she’ll definitely build a family with him when all the dread is over, really shiny and intense, quite comparable to “the starry sky” scene with Shun, only more mature. Even Satoru himself said that “now Saki sees only me, Shun doesn’t burden her anymore, and neither does he burden me, and I’m so damn happy, and we’ll definitely be happy together!”. :D And in the anime he blushes really cutely at the wedding. :3

                  As for Maria, I believe that Saki has never even been in love with her, just a deep friendship bond and sexual tension. It was Maria who was truly in love with Saki.

                  • i’m not sure what you meant by lose the charm. Especially since they kept loving him long after his death. Also how do Satoru and Saki have an everlasting affection when they both ended up falling in love with Shun?

                    In both the starry sky scene and saki’s confession, Shun, Saki and Satoru are linked together. Shun and Saki decide to return to Satoru because he calls out for them. Saki thinks “It would be mean to leave Satoru by himself for too long.” Then in saki’s confession, Shun tells her to let go of him and find happiness with Satoru because he can’t be with them due to his death. Both of those scenes tell me that Shun, Saki and Satoru were all affectionate to each other.

                    As for monogamous marriage being banned, Saki, Satoru and Shun are all rule breakers. If they wanted to practice polygamy, they would.

                    • “I’m not sure what you meant by lose the charm. Especially since they kept loving him long after his death. ” you had crossed a philosophical line here, I must tell you. XD

                      Slavoj Zizek said that what Prague Spring lasted as an ideal was because it was roll over by Soviet tanks. So, Saki’s (and Satoru’s) love for Shun is everlasting and even more intense because he died. In other words, They still love him long after his death BECAUSE he died. If Shun would survive, their love will evolve into something else, perhaps admiration from both Saki and Satoru, I guess.

      • Uhh… he’s not inexperienced… if you can RECALL what you’ve been reading this whole time. Satoru probably isn’t a virgin. Him and Shun used to get it on quite more often then what the author even writes. It’s assumed that’s what they probably did based on the culture the author displays. Guys do this thing called ANAL sex when they’re gay.

        YAH. I said it. ANAL! It’s NATURAL for humans to do this. Why do people act like it’s disgusting to talk about? It’s like when women have to feel ashamed at not wearing a bra even though men get to walk around in broad daylight with titties fully exposed.

        It’s really just ridiculous and incredulous thinking.

        • I would prefer (??) them to do mutual masturbation or frotting (or oral, as in the novel). Anal sex in the wild and unprotected must be tricky at best. I guess they get rid of STD with cantus, right? But what about hygene?

  3. Whoa..this scene really felt not-sexy and filled with hope and despair and somewhat weird and mechanical. Saki’s such a deadpan snarker, even in this situation.. The author really is a genius, and I love you for translating this! The anime wasn’t quite as detailed here, I wonder why, duh.
    Can’t wait for adult!Saki and Satoru and the summer festival!

  4. Cassandra says:

    Women* in the first line.
    Also, what am I reading?

  5. So they really did it…

  6. Third to last line: Why did tell me what he did? = Why did he tell me what he did?

  7. Aimee: “a young girl climaxing in the arms of an inexperienced guy at her very first – and painful – time?”

    Not that inexperienced… The boys Saki watch “try to do it anyway” (I interpret it as anal sex), and Shun was “tired of being your (Satoru’s) doll” (Shun did most of the receptive part of their lovin’).

    Aimee: “Sounds like a man’s wishful thinking.”

    I think it positively is. Anyhow, as a male writer, I must say in the author’s defense that we have not other choice but to see the world as males, and in my personal opinion, he did a great work portraying a female lead character, not perfect, that takes a woman to fully understand a female character. It goes the other way too.

    Federem: “Satoru does seem kind of self-absorbed during the whole thing and almost comes off as a jerk. But I guess that if you look beyond her perspective, the same could be said of Saki.”

    I think the author is trying to compensate the whole problems women has in Kamisu 66 by portraying Satoru as a jerk. But don’t forget Saki loves Satoru even if he is a jerk and a liar. Frankly, my opinion is that Saki loves Satoru because he is a jerk (with a heart of gold).

    And to further defense of Satoru, he has already fell in love with Saki. In the scene when he help her and she beautifully, sincerely answers “I was thinking how kind you are”, he turns away because Cupid’s arrow just pierce his heart.

    Aimee: “That’s why I really hope that the final part of the novel will elaborate on their relationship more, show how they overcame their pain and became a match made in heaven. :3”

    I would love that too, but I also expect a (what I would call) realistic approach, They’re meant to each other because grief, but also because Saki will repeat her mother’s role in marriage: cool collected husband (with a “bad boy” past) but cooler wife.

    Federem: “About Shun, you may be right, it really felt as if both Saki and Satoru were idolizing him the whole time. Poor chap, I actually kinda disliked him in the anime, but changed my mind about him in the novel.”

    I’m feeling the other way around: I like him in the anime, despise him in the novel. Because what I writing in next response:

    Aimee: “And yeah, you put that really well. They were idolizing him. I think that in the end neither Satoru, nor Saki could truly understand Shun, he’s sorta always been in another dimension – and by that I mean not his introverted nature (that’s not really scary), but… I can’t put a finger on it. He’s a really special kid, with special talents, and I believe that if he grew up, he’d rather live a famed, but solitary existence, just like Kaburagi Shisei. I don’t think he’d take anyone as a spouse or have an offspring.”

    That’s exactly why he became a karma demon. It’s not just Satoru and Saki who idolized him, he secretly idolize himself, as the Karma Demon tale told. He grew too full of himself and that lost him. What happended is that he was a kind (or condescendent) guy.

  8. “Why was life so unfair to woman?” -> I think you mean “women” (plural) ;)

    Love your work! Thank you so much for translating it :)

 
     

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